Guns,cows and funny clothing. Thinks this pretty much sums up university currently.
I feel really alive today, I saw the town lights from the motorway which made me want to take an adventure then I ran 2 miles with hundreds of stars above my head and nothing but black shadows in front of me. I have this really strange feeling in me and its a mixture of wanting to run at life with my arms wide open and wanting to hide in my mountain of blankets in safety all at once. I have no idea what I’m rambling about I just felt the desire to inform you all that today the world is a giant place and I’m a part of it and so are all if you.
Last Thursday my brain flipped shit and i ended up in hospital i wont bore you with the details but i basically was hallucinating and having a panic attack. For an awful long time I’ve fought the fact that how i think and react is wrong unfortunately it took moving chairs to make me realise that the people who’ve been trying to help me are probably correct. So today i’m going to start again i know that sounds cheesy but that’s what i’m going to do. I wont let myself get so stressed out about every little thing because i realise now the chances are whatever i’m stressing about isn’t the be all and end all there are always other options and i’m going to stop craving pain and hurt, i’m going to look at the positives of days rather than focusing on everything i could have done better or that didn’t work out. I’ve been buried in a hole for far to long but for some reason today it feels like i have a shovel so i guess this is my promise that even though things aren’t always easy i shall continue to dig until eventually i can see the sun again.
Mother is ranting so i shall sit and listen to florence, i don’t think she’s realised nobody is paying the slightest bit of attention to her. I’m also having a flap over tomorrow i hate speaking to people on the phone i like to be able to see their faces so i can work out what they’re thinking however the world thinks i’m mad. I swear i’m perfectly sane despite the impression this post may give.
This week has seemed so unreal, i need to sleep or wake up. Can’t work that one out.